Who are you?

I just read a blog post on "being authentically yourself." Now, you might be saying to yourself, "What else can I be?" I've actually found it's very easy to be someone other than myself, at least part of the time. Think about what we're asked to be and do, whether it's in school or when looking for a job.

• Be an energetic go-getter who loves collaborating with people!
• Must be good at math and science!
• Must love working in groups!
• Study hard for the stuff that you're not interested in! Don't pay attention to the stuff you're interested in!
• Get your head out of that book and get an internship with a Fortune 500 company!
• Must love multitasking rather than sitting alone all day reading a book or doodling!

For years and years, I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do, and I literally couldn't sit down to write for more than five minutes without feeling like a fraud. After a long time of being told what I should be doing, someone close to me told me to focus on what I enjoyed doing. The problem was: I didn't enjoy writing anymore. I was afraid of it, because I kept thinking I had to be someone I wasn't.

I am not an extrovert. I can read or write all day and feel completely fine in that very internal world.

I am not and never have been a math and science person. I'm fascinated by certain scientific facts, but my brain does not work well with equations. Likewise, I enjoy stories, not formulas.

I hate group work. Hate it.

I never liked studying. Reading a good book is always better.

In my world, multitasking is over-rated. Spending an entire day reading (or writing) a book is perfectly acceptable.

The world, in a lot of ways, is built for multitasking extroverts who excel at math and science and love group work. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. We need people who love math and science and group work and multitasking. I'm just saying it's okay to be the other way, too. I think that's a lot of what got channeled into Wren in For Ever. I think she feels a little out of place in the world, and I think for a long time I did, too.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that some of the people who connected with The Ever Series are introverts who love reading and hate group work. There are maybe even some people who love math and science and group work in there, too. :-)

Right now, I'm in Ever's world. What a ride. I can't wait to share his side of For Ever.

To those of you who have followed along on Wren's journey from the beginning, thank you.

CJ

Stories that never leave you

One of the very first classes I took in college was an intro to creative writing workshop that was being taught by a graduate student in the English program. Each week, she would assign us different stories to read. Then we'd talk about them. One would be used to teach about point of view. Another would be used to teach about unreliable narrators. You get the point.

There was a purpose behind each one. ... And it was in college that I learned I didn't always want to read with a purpose in mind. I want to be absorbed in what I'm reading, make random discoveries, think about the characters -- but I do not want to be on a mission to identify each instance of symbolism.

I try to write my stories in the same way -- with fresh eyes, wondering where they'll go. Did I know how For Ever would end when I started it? Not a clue. When I began, I kind of figured my story would have a happy ending. I really like happy endings. Because if nothing ever ends well, where's the hope?

For Ever and its characters had their own ideas, and that's why it ended the way it did. It didn't feel comfortable, tidy, and wrapped up. But it felt right in my head. It ended where it was supposed to.

Sigh. I've gotten off topic. Back to my freshman English workshop. Rather than reading the assigned material, I happened to flip to another story in our anthology, and I started reading it mostly because of the title -- "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" Written by Joyce Carol Oates and published in 1966, the story was like a black hole. It sucked me in.

And the ending was so horribly creepy and unsettling that I became somewhat obsessed with Oates's story about fifteen-year-old Connie. It was written more than forty-five years ago, and I read it during college (more than fifteen years ago). I still think about it, though.

Some stories just never leave you, which I think is pretty awesome.

How I came to write For Ever for just one person

Okay, the title of my post is tongue-in-cheek. Sort of. ... Recently I told my husband (For Ever's first supporter) that it's fitting that I wrote this book for one person to love. And for the record, I wasn't talking about him. Reading a young adult paranormal romance doesn't rank very high on his list of entertaining activities.

I have always been better at one-on-one interactions. I don't do well in large groups, because (for me) it never feels like anything truly meaningful gets said. You can barely hear the person next to you, or you're more interested in the conversation taking place two seats down, or you end up making polite, bland chit-chat with someone you barely know.

Ultimately, I would just rather have that intense conversation off in a corner that nobody else but one other person is interested in. And after I received an e-mail from someone who really enjoyed For Ever, it finally clicked: I wrote my story the same way I like my interactions. One-on-one. If I attempted to write a story with universal appeal, I would probably fail miserably. So instead, I'll keep having conversations off in a corner with people who respond in kind.

The above photo is random, taken on vacation, but it's pretty, and I think it underscores the fact that beauty (and value) is in the eye of the beholder.

Outsider syndrome

I was born in Southern California and grew up there. More specifically, I spent most of my early childhood moving all over L.A. (and Orange) County. And I have to say, the reality shows that sprang up (The Hills, Laguna Beach, etc.) long after I moved away are a far cry from my life growing up. And while I've always loved warm weather -- and spent many long summers at the beach -- I've never felt "at home" where I was born.

When I was eighteen, I moved north for college and later made my way to the Bay Area, where I worked at newspapers, both as a clerk and a reporter, and then later, in public relations. (I am exceptionally grateful to my business owner/philanthropist uncle who let me live in a spare bedroom of his crazy, sprawling, funky house for the better part of a year while I made next to no money -- particularly because it was during this time that I met my husband!)

I have great memories and enduring fondness for the Bay Area, but it only took one weekend trip to Portland, Ore., to fall in love. Now, more than six years later -- even though I love it here -- I realize I may never feel completely at home, which is something I think comes out in everything I write and every character who possesses me to write his or her words.

As a result, For Ever and its characters are products of my own outsider syndrome.

Paperbook Princess review - get it while it's hot!

Big thank you to Megan for taking the time to review For Ever!!! Paperbook Princess is the first stop on my blog tour -- and it's just so exciting! Read the review here.

Her blog is super pretty! Fit for a princess. ...



For the rest of the tour spots, visit SupaGurl Heather at: